I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
