I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
