my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
