I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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