I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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