tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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