we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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