So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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