Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
