Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
