go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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