I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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