Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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