we have pet lesbian snakes
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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