the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
