I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
