yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize
