I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
im holly from the hills drunk
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
