I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize