In the future we'll all be gay
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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