are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
