Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
