just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
