Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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