Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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