halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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