Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
