I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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