I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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