Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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