why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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