dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
