So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize