Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
this boner is exhausting
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
