I'm sorry my penis didn't work
North Korea, Best Korea!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
