Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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