brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
