she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
