did you get engaged???
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dear god my vagina.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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