I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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