Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
