Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize