no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
