she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
