I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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