If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
