another moral hangover. fuck.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize