Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
