My sheets look like a crime scene.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize