I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
