he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
