Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
