Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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