I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
