His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
