Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
