I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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