Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
