I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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