How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
