I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
