Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm really busy with my period
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