Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
