Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
