I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
