Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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